Three Months
by Vegeta666
Summary: Finn has three months to live and writes his feelings about the situation in a Journal
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the characters, even though I wish I did. They are the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX.

**Plot: Finn has three months to live and writes his feelings about the situation in a Journal**

This is my first attempt at any kind of fan fiction. So if it's bad let me know so I can make it better down the road.  
Some things you should know before reading:  
1) The disease that Finn has will be a made up one and I'll go into further detail about it in later chapters.  
2) I'll try to update a least once a week if not more if I can

**Three Months**

**Chapter One: A man's thoughts**

_"When I think of you I have to breathe, because the mere thought of you takes my breath away."_**  
**

I feel like such a girl doing this but my mom says it will help me in the coming weeks. How I don't really know but my mom's never wrong and I trust her so I'll give it a shot. Just got back from the doctor's and all the test results have come back.

I still can't believe it. Seems like yesterday I was on cloud nine. Rachel finally said yes to us being a couple. I did everything I could to win her back. It required lots of thinking and let me tell you thinking isn't for me, my head never hurt so much in my life.

Being with Rachel makes me feel special. It's like she see's something in me that no one else can. She makes me want to be better, to improve on everything in my life. The thought of Rachel makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. When she smiles

at me, my knees go weak and my love for her grows. That's why it's so hard to tell her. How is someone suppose to tell the person they love, their soul mate that they're dying? I wish there was something I could do but all the doctors I've visited have

all said the same thing. Three months to live at best. If someone told me last week that I had three months to live I would have laughed in there face, now it's hard not to cry. I'm not afraid to die. My dad died when I was a baby, but a least he died a

hero. I on the other hand won't be dying a hero or a High School graduate. What I'm most afraid of is Rachel, how she will react when I'm not there to look after her. I know Rachel and she will be devastated and heartbroken that I'm not there. She acts

strong, but she isn't prepared for this, hell I'm not prepared for this. The thought of leaving her all alone makes me feel ashamed. I know it's not my fault but still. We were supposed to get married and have a couple of kids, buy a house and live happily

ever after. I guess it's true what they say, happily ever after only exists in fairy tales. Hopefully she can move on, I don't want to be the reason why she didn't become a star. She's already a star to me but to be a Broadway star she has to be committed.

My death should not effect that, even though I think it will. On a side note I can't believe I've written so much, think I wrote more in this journal entry than I did all throughout High School. The hardest part is telling her. Part of me doesn't want to, but

that would be selfish and our relationship is built on trust. I don't want her looking at me differently though and she will when I tell her. She'll look at me with sadness, despair and worse of all with regret. Rachel will regret not getting together with me

sooner. Having the chance to be with me for longer then she had. She will blame herself for going out with Jesse, even though she had every right to. Rachel will say she should have chosen me instead of him and we could of have had an extra couple of

months together. But her choosing Jesse is what made me realize my feelings for her in the first place. Without getting rejected by her, I wouldn't have realized that I love her, more than anything in the world. The next three months have to be perfect,

not for me but for Rachel. Nationals are less than three months away and I hope I'll be able to perform. Before I die I want to win Nationals for myself, everyone in Glee and especially Rachel. We've come this far and I'm not going to blow it for her. Well I

guess for my first journal entry this wasn't so bad. Maybe my mom was right about this journal thing after all. Anyway I'm going over to Rachel's house now to tell her. I'll let you know how it turns out in my next entry.


	2. Chapter 2

**I want to thank everyone for their reviews, it means a lot.**

_"Without you in my life, my life is meaningless to live"_

Well Rachel took my impending death exactly as I thought. At first she just sat on her bed with her mouth wide open, unable to speak. A first since I've known her and I would have laughed if not for the tears that slowly started to fall. I instantly went

over to her and held her. But really what was I suppose to tell her? That everything would be ok, that she would forget me in time? No, there wasn't anything I could say to make her feel better. Nothing what so ever, I felt powerless to stop her pain. I

wanted so badly to help her, but couldn't think of anything. So I just sat there on her bed holding her while she cried. My heart was shattering. Was this an indication of what her life would be like when I was gone? Would she just sit in her room all day

and cry? What about school, would her grades diminish, would she even want to go to school? We met at school. Had our first kiss at school. All these memories would be haunting her at school. I wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to go back. If

roles were reversed I wouldn't want to go back either. She would have everyone from New Directions to look after her and I know Mr. Schue would do his best to ease her pain. But still they could only do so much. They couldn't find a replacement for me.

Sure they could try to find another guy, but we all know he would be nothing like me. I'm not trying to sound like I'm the perfect man and every other man is nothing compared to me. What I'm trying to say... well it's hard to describe. Me and Rachel have

this connection. We both know what the other is feeling. Sense when the other is feeling down. Know exactly what to do in any situation when it's about us. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Rachel and I were made for each other. Like God specifically

created the two of us so we could be together. I know this is sounding silly but I really do believe this. After a couple of minutes she stopped crying. At first I was happy that she stopped, but I was wrong. She turned to look at me and that person wasn't

Rachel. It couldn't have been her. Those eyes, they were blank and dead looking. My worst nightmares were coming true. I knew she would take it hard, but this was... I couldn't even come up with a word to describe it. Best I could say is that Rachel

looked like she had given up on life. At that point nothing mattered to me more than saving her. Making sure she knew life was still worth living. But how could I do that when I was her reason for living? Rachel told me she wanted me to live with her, she

didn't want to leave my sight at all. I told her I couldn't do that, my mom would be all alone and it's just as hard on my mom as it is on Rachel. Mom had already lost dad, now she was losing her only child. No I couldn't do that to her even though the

thought of me and Rachel living together was very appealing. But Rachel wouldn't leave things alone. She insisted if I wouldn't live at her house, that she would live at mine. I tried to come up with a reason to tell her no. That her dads would never agree

to it, that my mom wouldn't agree to it. But I knew better then to think like that. Of course her dads would let her go, they had no choice. When Rachel Berry was determined to do something there was no stopping her. My mom wouldn't have a problem

either. She would say it would make things easier on me and I think a little easier on her. She would have Rachel there and both of them could bond. They could find strength in one another to stay strong around me and not show any cracks in the

armor. I was powerless to stop her and it's not like I minded. Having her there with me would make my remaining months a lot better. Being able to wake up to her and fall asleep with her in my arms. Yea it's something I could get use to, even if it's only

short term. We packed as much of Rachel's belongings as we could and decided to come back for the rest. After a small talk with her dads, we left to come back here. My mom as I expected was thrilled to have Rachel there. As I'm writing this entry, they

are cleaning my room and shuffled things around to make it nicer I guess. Now all I have to do is hide this journal in a place that Rachel can't find. Maybe I will put it with my hidden stack of porn magazines Puck gave me. Wait a second, the magazines

are under my bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Like always thanks for the reviews**

_"Your love for me makes me feel like I could achieve anything"_

I've decided to dedicate this entry to Rachel. You make my life worth living, you see what no one else can. Without you I would still be a scared teenage boy who let everyone around them tell them what to do. Rachel showed me that it's not alright to do

something just because the cool people tell you to. For far too long I would throw people in garbage's, egg their houses and throw _slushie's at them. _Yes I did most of that to people in glee, well the least popular people that is. I remember throwing Kurt

into any garbage I could find, throwing slushie's at Tina and Artie and worse of all egging Rachel's house. I knew what I was doing was wrong but it felt nice to be a part of something, a group of people who had your back and made you feel good about

yourself. But I was wrong about that, they all abandoned me when I joined glee. Now I was the one getting slushied, thrown into garbage's and having his house egged. After that I was lost, no friends and always being picked on will do that to you.

That's where you came into my life Rachel, you were the only person I could count on. You stood by me when no one else would. Always told me the truth even if you knew it would hurt me in the end. If it wasn't for you I probably would never have

guessed that Quinn's baby wasn't mine. I'm stupid like that, always believing in other people. But you taught me that believing in others wasn't stupid. That I just have a good heart and want to see the good in others instead of all the negatives. Rachel

you are my guardian angel. You protect me, you care for me and above all else you love me. I never thought I could be loved. Yea my mom loves me, but aren't all mother's suppose to love their children? Quinn never loved me. I might be stupid but even

I knew that. She liked me and I think she even cared for me. But loved, no she never did. Did I love Quinn? No, she was cool and everything but I never felt that way about her. Love is such a difficult word to understand. I didn't come to understand the

true meaning of it until I broke up with Rachel. At first I wanted to play the field. Finally I was able to be a teenager and not be committed to one person. It was fun for like a day. The stupidest thing I ever did was break up with you. I've regretted it ever

since. Here I had the perfect woman. You understood me,encouraged me and made me feel happy. And I threw you away, all because I didn't want to be tied down like I was with Quinn. Those couple of months we weren't together were the hardest

I've ever had to live. Everything reminded me of you. From a sheet of music, a slurpee, to any song I would hear on the radio. You were all around me and I couldn't get you off my mind. Then I heard about Jessie dumping you. At first I was happy, now I

had a shot with you again. But then I realized that you had just been dumped... again. Well I knew asking you out wasn't a good idea. So I decided I would be there for you in your time of need. It was the least I could do after everything I put you

through. I tried to make you smile, laugh and feel encouraged. You always had a look of hopelessness. Nothing I could do could pull you out. There was only one thing I could think of that could possibly get you to become the Rachel I knew and loved. I

would sing to you. But where and when was the best time to do this? After having a heart to heart with Mr. Schue, we both decided that her house was the best spot. So I told her dads my plan and they agreed to be out of the house when I went

through with it. I was more than a little scared when I knocked on your door. Would this work? Maybe, but even if it didn't, I would try again and again until you were better. Rachel was surprised when I knocked on the front door. I think she was more

surprised though that I was wearing a suit. I figured if I was going to do this I had to go all out. She wanted to know why I was there and that's when I started singing. The song was "I'll Stand By You". It depicted everything I felt about her. After I

finished the song, I was extremely nervous. I couldn't look Rachel in the eye. Was it enough to break through to her? Got my answer a couple of seconds later in the form of her jumping on me. I was beyond happy, there was the woman of my dreams,

happy and in my arms. What surprised me the most next were the words that came out of her mouth. And I quote "We are going to kick the crap out of those Vocal Adrenaline losers". From that point on Rachel was her old self. She was more determined

than ever to win regionals and so was I.


	4. Chapter 4

The reason I have three months to live. It's pretty twisted when I think about it. The doctors say it's rare and only occurs in like one out of ten million people. Which of course I had to be one of them. I have a disease called Epicema, it attacks the whole

body until there is nothing left to attack. First it goes after the immune system, rendering you prone to any disease. Then the nervous system, where it takes away signals that go to your brain. The first month isn't that bad. I'll get sick a lot and my body

will have random acts of defiance. But for the most part I should be fine from a day to day basis. The second month the symptoms get worse. My legs will stop and go as the doctor described to me. Basically they start to move on there own accord and

stop whenever the hell they want to. The rest of my body will do the same but to a lesser degree. I won't be able to leave my house because my immune system will be pretty much shot. I'll have to live in a completely clean house. Any little

thing I could catch might kill me in a couple of minutes. My mom and Rachel have made the house into what I like to call the "bio-dome"(Pauly Shore's best movie by the way). The house is spotless, not a spot of dust in sight. I have to give those two

women there dues, they really love me a lot to do all this for me. Now were down to the third month and most painful. Have you ever seen someone so weak and fragile that the wish they could just die and get it over with? Well that's how the third

month will be for me. I will be on my bed for the last month, probably screaming, with my body doing whatever it feels like. No control over anything. I'll be there but I won't, more like in a vegetarian state. They will have to strap me to the bed so I don't

do anything that could harm me. Just thinking about it now makes me want to vomit. I really don't want to go through with this. If it was up to me I would end it now while I still have control over things. But I promised my mom and Rachel that I wouldn't.

Really it's more for Rachel then my mom. I told Rachel I would be there when we win Nationals. Is it something that I can accomplish? Who knows, but I made her a promise and I intend to keep it. You can say it's the last promise I'll ever keep. A going

away present for her. Something for Rachel to remember when I'm gone. Should I be angry that this is happening to me? Of course I should, if I wasn't I'd be lying. Why me? Why not someone else who doesn't have their whole life ahead of them? I have

so many things I wanted to do with my life. Now I'll never be able to accomplish any of them. Mostly though, I regret not being able to be with Rachel. Call me selfish but it's not fair. I don't deserve this! I want to punch someone. I don't care who just

as long as they feel the pain that I'm feeling. My life was just starting to begin. The toughest problem I should have right now is picking a college. Not whether or not I can move my body or go outside. I'm scared of what will happen in the upcoming

weeks. I don't want to go out like this. No ones last moments should be them strapped to a bed while there loved ones look on powerless to do anything. And here I am crying now. I hate when I cry. Makes me feel like such a girl. But it's better to cry

now when I'm alone then in front of Rachel or my mom. There both trying so hard to keep their composure's. I know for a fact they cry. I've heard each cry on separate occasions when they thought I was sleeping. It's hard being around them in my

condition. I like to think of myself having an expiration date, with everyday that passes my freshness deteriorates. Corny and stupid yes, but something to laugh about. Haven't really had any symptoms pop up yet. Granted it's only been a week since the

diagnosis. I'm trying to prepare myself when it actually does hit me, but it's hard. How do you prepare for something that can happen at anytime? Mentally I'm exhausted and it's only the start. How will I feel when it's finally kicked in? I don't want to

sound like I'm giving up. Do I hope a miracle will happen and somehow I'll be cured miraculously? Duh, yea of course. But let's face reality here. There will be no miracle, no saving grace. I will be dead in less then three months. Nothing I can say or do will

change that. It sucks to be so powerless like this. Just waiting for the end to happen. The only silver lining is that I know Rachel loves me. Knowing that is the only reason I can move forward. Nationals will be her's, I'll bet my life on it. Actually I am

betting my life on it. Whatever is left of it to bet on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's chapter 5, took me a little longer then I thought but I finally got in done. Anyway I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed and subscribed to this story, it really means a lot.**

Yesterday wasn't such a good day for me. The first real attack happen. I was walking to school with Rachel and then all of sudden my body just starts having these convolutions. Everything was moving on it's own. My arms were doing the wave, while my

legs couldn't decide between doing the moonwalk or the hokey pokey. Rachel was a mess when it happen. I guess no matter how ready she thought she was, it wasn't enough for the real thing. She tried to help steady me but in the process my left leg

tripped her and she face planted on the concrete sidewalk. It was the most beautiful face plant I had every seen and it was hard controlling my laughter at the situation. After getting up and wiping whatever blood there was she stood close to me until

the convolutions seized. We eventually made it to school. Granted we did miss the first two periods. I wasn't complaining, but I think Rachel was a little ticked off she missed some classes. Rachel tried her best to watch me during school. Unfortunately it's

kind of hard when you don't share as many classes with them as you would like. I was doing my best until lunch. Everything seemed to turn to crap for me then. Another attack hit me when I was walking to the table I shared with Rachel. Of course I was

holding a tray with my lunch on it. Both the tray and food hit me in the face. I was beyond embarrassed. Why couldn't I have just stayed home where I'm save and not in danger of having food or objects being smacked into my face. My embarrassment

had only begun I would learn. Everyone in the cafeteria had witnessed my action. People started laughing and pointing fingers at me. A couple of students had even thrown food at me. Way to kick a person when there down. I wanted to run, get the hell

out of there. Only one problem. My legs were still acting up and I was having trouble getting off the floor. When I did manage to pull myself up, I only caused more damage when I slipped on the tray I had dropped earlier. I couldn't take it anymore.

For the first time since I was twelve I cried. The laughter seemed to pick up with ever tear I shed. Rachel rushed to my aid and helped me up. It looked like she was going to give the entire student body a piece of her mind. But I told her I wanted to go

home and she couldn't disobey my request when she looked at my face. Not that I would have had a problem with her verbally bashing on everyone. When Rachel wants to speak her mind no one, not even god himself can stop her. Except for me that

is, also helps that I looked so pitiful. The walk back to my house was silent. Rachel had to help keep me steady as I walked. People on the street would look at me funny, but I didn't pay attention. What happen in the cafeteria was horrible. I never want

to feel that kind of pain again. At one point I was hoping the convolutions would get so bad that I would just drop dead. I bet the laughing would have stopped then. As we make it to my front door Rachel is giving me this look of sadness and despair.

She's been through so much today and she continues to stand by me. I'll never take her for granted ever. My mom wasn't home when we arrived, she still had work for a couple of hours. I pulled away from Rachel and slowly made my way to my room.

All I wanted was to lay in bed and mope. On the other hand Rachel had other ideas. She insisted we do something productive. An hour later and after some heavy breathing we managed to pull ourselves off my bed. By the way that was the hottest

make out section we've ever had. The rest of the day was pretty boring. Told my mom what happen at school, ate dinner and went to bed. Well one thing did happen before I fell a sleep that I wouldn't call boring. Rachel who's been sleeping in the guest

room up to this point made a surprise visit to my room. It was a nice surprise I'll tell you that. Having the woman I love in my bed, sleeping in my arms. It was too good to be true. Holding her and watching her sleep made all the negatives that happen

today disappear. This is why I love her so much, she can always find a way to cheer me up and it doesn't have to take a lot because it's her.


	6. Chapter 6

So I know it's been awhile since I last updated and for that I'm sorry. Been working on my other story and doing other things that this story has been neglected. I came up with this chapter rather quickly and that's why it's so short, I wanted to get something out to all of you. Hopefully next time I update it won't be as be long a wait. Enjoy the chapter and as always please review if you can and remember to check out my other story "The Cure for Finn's Cold" thanks everyone.

* * *

I haven't been back to school since the incident. Discussing it with Rachel and mom, we decided I wouldn't attend school anymore. Except for glee, school was no more for me. Never really liked school and classes were always hard for me. I'm happy that

I can still attend glee. It wasn't easy at first. Principal Figgin's would not allow it, but after talking with both my mom and Rachel, he decided to change his mind. What I wouldn't give to have been in that room when that happen. So now I can focus my

attention on glee and Rachel. Unfortunately she still has to go to school. That's seven hours that I won't be able to spend time with her. It's good that she started sleeping in my room, that makes up some what for the time were apart because of school.

Rachel's been better since the accident at school. Witnessing it for the first time really shook her up. I think she thought I would some how get better and that everything would turn out good. She really believed that I would fight this and in the end I

wouldn't die. After gaining first hand knowledge though, she's sobered up to the fact that all the fighting in the world isn't going to help me in the end. That first night she slept in my bed was the really telling point. I was a sleep and woke with a start

when I heard crying coming from the bathroom. There was Rachel hovered over the toilet crying her eyes out. My heart broke watching this play out. I wanted nothing more then to tell her it would be alright, but we both knew that wasn't the case. So I

went over to her and just held her and we both cried together. Don't remember how long we sat there and cried but when I woke up my mom had already left for work. As I went to wake Rachel up I heard hear whisper something in her sleep. Curiously

I went in closer to hear what she was saying. When I heard it I froze. Rachel kept whispering the words "Don't leave me Finn". I decided not to say anything about it, what could I have said really. After that Rachel has pretty much been my rock. The

attacks have becoming a daily activity for me. This week alone I've had 14 attacks. Rachel has not panicked, not shed a tear or run out of the room screaming. I know inside though she is a mess. But she's not willing to show it when I'm around.

Life has gotten rather simple for me too. I get up, eat breakfast and lay around until Rachel shows up. It's pretty dull, but I'm getting used to it. When she returns from school, my day automatically becomes brighter. Usually that first hour is spent making

out and just speaking to each other openly and honestly. After that Rachel makes us practice so were both ready for Nationals. We've gotten so much better since Regionals. I really think we can take first place. With Rachel's help and the group as a

whole we should be able to come together and fight against Vocal Adrenaline. My voice doesn't seem to be effected by my condition. If anything it's gotten better under Rachel's tutelage. Not only his voice though, her voice has gotten so much better if

you can believe that. Are duets have been more crisp and dance routines have flowed better. One more month, that's all I did to survive until National's. I know I can do it, just have to be patient. But it's hard when something so close seems so far away.

A month might be short for most people, but for me it very well could be the rest of my life. Rachel should be coming back from school pretty soon. I'm thinking about telling her about the journal. Sure she will probably cry when I first hand it to her, then

she'll cry more when she eventually reads it. But in the end I believe it will be a good thing for the both of us. Plus when my attacks get really bad and I'm unable to write, she will have to write for me. Hopefully she will. I know how hard it is to write

about your last days on earth. Rachel has such a way with words that I know she will be able to come up with better ways to write my last words, last thoughts and last moments. It will be just as hard on her as it was for me, maybe harder.

I hear the front door unlocking, better hurry this up. So I guess I'm to go through with it. Wish me luck and hopefully my next journal entry will feature both me and Rachel.


End file.
